“Your fate is like a new jar of peanut butter. It may be sealed, but you can choose whether it is smooth or crunchy.”

“I want to scrape earwax out of your ears like the last of the chunky peanut butter in a jar. I’d love it if you ate one of my world famous Listening Sandwiches.”

“Taxidermy and taxes go together like peanut butter and sodomy. Can somebody get me two slices of bread?”

“Love is the jelly to sunshine’s peanut butter. And if I tell you that I’m in sandwich with you, I’m not just saying it to get in your Ziploc bag.”

“It takes maturity and practice and patience to spread chunky peanut butter evenly on crumbly bread.”

“I love ebooks. I love the idea of storing books in “The Cloud”, because honestly, reading and rainy days go together like peanut butter and umbrellas.”

“What is life without death? That's like asking what is peanut butter without jelly? Or a baseball game on TV and changing the channel? Or government without taxes? Actually, I like those last two.”