“You’re used to being the smartest guy in the room. Solitary confinement will do that.”

“A blanket could be used like a Love Fleece. I imagine you’re shaking your head. Do you disagree? Fine, then when you’re shivering, I won’t ask if it’s because you’re cold—or because you’re lonely.”

“Both sexes have assholes, and both sexes have nipples. Yet only asshole is a genderless derogatory term. In the name of equality and linguistic diversity, I’m going to start using the word nipple as a synonym for asshole. Example: “Bra, you’re being an asshole.” “Nah, bra, you’re being the nipple.”

“A brick could be used as a pillow, if you first wrap it with a blanket. But if you’re shivering from being cold, don’t worry—I’ll cover you with my naked body.
”

“Whether you’re being good, or you’re up to no good, try not to look guilty.”

“When you use your pen to think, you’re never wasting ink.”

“A brick could be used as a flotation device, if you’re Michael Phelps and don’t need it.
”