“You've got to get up pretty early in the morning to beat me to my rooster costume.”

“If you drive the same car as me, and have been in a fender bender, I’ll think, “Boy, that’s what my car could look like.” Same with clones. If one of my clones got beat up, I’ll think, “Boy, that could have been me. Better me squared than me.”

“A brick could be used to represent the state of Kansas. Both are flat, both are rectangular, both have tried to insert themselves up my anus, and both failed to penetrate me (though Kansas got pretty close).
”

“I got my spring cleaning done early this year. I did it over the summer.”

“Two hearts that beat as one, and they’re both mine. I’ve got them hooked up to a synchometer.”

“So you made a mistake. Don’t beat yourself up over it. Let me beat you up instead.”

“The morning always has a way of creeping up on me and peeking in my bedroom windows. The sunrise is such a pervert.”