“Bobby: So assuming I survive the next 24 hours, where do you want to go on our first date?Kitty: Some place that doesn't allow children.Bobby: The strip club it is.”

“Sir, we're now introducing the love interest for Spider-Man.""Yes, just make sure it's organic. That it doesn't feel like it comes out of nowhere.""We had her fall on him, Sir.""Classy. I love it.”

“Spider-Man: The Phoenix Force is a crazy powerful cosmic firebird entity that for some reason seems to be attracted to earthbound redheads (I can relate).”

“Spider-Man: "Why'd it have to be Logan? If it had been Reed or Tony we would've already built a time machine out of bamboo and palm fronds by now and been on our way.”

“(Six claws.. the Spider-God comes.)Wolverine: Spider-God? What the hell?Spider-Man: Yep, that's me, just your friendly neighborhood Spider-God!”

“Some things are like that—they strike you as repugnant for instinctive reasons, probably having to do with your culture and the way you were raised. The French word “gauche” comes to mind, but I preferred the Hebrew word “treyf.” Literally, it means not kosher, but I also use it to describe things like cars, bars, strip clubs, guns, dogs, rock-n-roll, and football games. Things that are treyf, you avoid, not because you hate them per se, but because in avoiding them you keep yourself from becoming like the people you hate.”

“So...like, you're lyin' on the battlefield with an arrow for a decoration, and everybody homes in on it like a beacon and they start pryin' it out WHILE you're conscious, and you're thinkin' "Ahh! Don't trouble yourselves, just leave it in there for goodness' sake! I got it first, it's mine! Don't touch it! I can use it to hang stuff on and--aahh!" And then when you finally faint from all the pain, they shake you and shout your name and try to wake you up, and you're thinkin' "Heeeeeeell no, I ain't comin' back to that! Why d'you think I fainted in the first place?!" Then they get all frantic-like and such and start hollerin' "Don't die on me, man!" and you're thinkin' "The only one gonna die here is you if you don't quit shaking me!”