“We're all Hitler inside. We're all Christ inside. I'm not keen on the idea, but it's true, isn't it? We've all got a little bit of the devil in us.”

“It's Coke, my man. You really think I'm going to let you pour any more alcohol into your body tonight?”

“May your glass always be full, may there always be a roof over your head, and may you dirty sinners be in heaven a half hour before the devil knows you're dead.”

“I'm sure you have drawers overflowing with panties the ladies throw at the stage. We saw you guys play down at Mon Brewing a few times. Way to keep the Nineties alive.”

“Here's how I'll tell you what I think—if you see white smoke then you know I picked a new pope. And if I'm drinking a Snapple then you know I don't give a shit.”

“Henry,that's how you get rid of fleas. You keep them from laying eggs. You go to war with them.”

“You are not a handgun. More like a pellet gun. Maybe even a slingshot.”