“Denial is an essential part of my existence. Without it, I am nothing.”

“Delusions are a vital part of my existence.”

“Oh, wait a minute, I was supposed to be cutting back on the self-delusion, wasn't I? Whoops.”

“Secrets and deceptions are the best foundation for a relationship, I don't care what anyone says.”

“Conflict of interest. I wanted to date somebody who was less screwed up than me, and she wasn't.”

“Christian allegories are a dime a dozen. You can find them in any story, if you look hard enough. Even Harry Potter.”

“Seriousness is for fools and poor destitute families who have lived their entire lives on spam.”