“Oh, wait a minute, I was supposed to be cutting back on the self-delusion, wasn't I? Whoops.”

“Delusions are a vital part of my existence.”

“Conflict of interest. I wanted to date somebody who was less screwed up than me, and she wasn't.”

“Denial is an essential part of my existence. Without it, I am nothing.”

“Secrets and deceptions are the best foundation for a relationship, I don't care what anyone says.”

“Christian allegories are a dime a dozen. You can find them in any story, if you look hard enough. Even Harry Potter.”

“Seriousness is for fools and poor destitute families who have lived their entire lives on spam.”