“I avoided one-on-one situations, eye contact, and healthy relationships. Instead I took refuge in drinking too much, cheap sex, and sarcasm.”

“One key to a healthy relationship is realizing that no 2 people see a situation or remember a conversation the same way. No malice intended. Simply the way it is.”

“Call me a bad private eye, but I came to the conclusion that nobody is happy with what they’ve got. You have a healthy relationship, then, you look for a spicy one. You have an unhealthy relationship, your struggle is to find a peaceful one.”

“I was in the shower the other day and I noticed on the back of the shampoo bottle it said, "Avoid contact with eyes. In case of eye contact, flush with water." and I thought, "Avoid eye contact? What do you think I do, talk to shampoo bottles? And even if I did converse with soap, am I not worthy to look at the bottle while I talk to it, that I have to purge myself with water after gazing upon it?”

“She and I would trade books, talk endlessly, drink cheap whiskey, engage in unremarkable sex. You know, the stuff of everyday.”

“Whenever I drink, I always have one too many. Of course, I only ever drink one.”