“Life tastes better after a slice of cheesecake!”

“Emperor of Mars: We should be rid of the Earthling now.Count Rochefort: Was your daughter on the ship?Emperor of Mars: Yes. Emperor of Mars: Life is sad.”

“Tea and water give each oter life,' the Professor was saying. 'The tea is still alive. This tea has tea and water virality,' he added. '... Afterwards, the taste still happens... It rises like velvet... It is a performance.”

“It isn't what happens its how you deal with it.”

“So...like, you're lyin' on the battlefield with an arrow for a decoration, and everybody homes in on it like a beacon and they start pryin' it out WHILE you're conscious, and you're thinkin' "Ahh! Don't trouble yourselves, just leave it in there for goodness' sake! I got it first, it's mine! Don't touch it! I can use it to hang stuff on and--aahh!" And then when you finally faint from all the pain, they shake you and shout your name and try to wake you up, and you're thinkin' "Heeeeeeell no, I ain't comin' back to that! Why d'you think I fainted in the first place?!" Then they get all frantic-like and such and start hollerin' "Don't die on me, man!" and you're thinkin' "The only one gonna die here is you if you don't quit shaking me!”

“It's better to have people be happy using someone else's product than disgruntled using yours.”

“After college I got a job and started working. This new career had absolutely nothing to do with my degree.”