“Definitely beats my first kiss. Seventh grade, Andrea Williams, behind the gym after school. She came over to my table at lunch, whispered the proposition in my ear, and I had a hard-on for the rest of the day.”

“I'm so excited about school. I'm such a shameless student. I laid my clothes out lastnight, just like I did before my first day of first grade, with mypatent leather shoes and my new lunch box. I hope the teacher will likeme :)”

“There are advantages to being elected President. The day after I was elected, I had my high school grades classified Top Secret.”

“My heart will not beat again until my sight rests upon your emerald eyes,” he whispered into my ear.”

“If the rest of the world fell away, along with everyone in it, I would survive if I still had him. But if he fell away, leaving behind the rest of the world, my heart would cease beating and my life would be over.”

“Crosses?""Definitely""Why?""Because they're evil, soulless, bloodsucking fiends?""So was my sixth-grade gym teacher, but he wasn't afraid of a cross.”