“It is said that life begins when the fetus can exist apart from its mother. By this definition, many people in Hollywood are legally dead.”

“You're not famous until my mother has heard of you. ”

“Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's third wife Day.”

“The Environmental Protection Agency is conducting a seven-hundred-thousand-dollar study to see if Alaskan trees are polluting Oregon forests. You can tell Republicans are in power. "Pollution? It's those damn trees.”

“Politics is just show business for ugly people.”

“Go through your phone book, call people and ask them to drive you to the airport. The ones who will drive you are your true friends. The rest aren't bad people; they're just acquaintances. ”

“The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver. ”