“Is that all you bought?” His eyes shot to the left. “Um.” I clenched my teeth. “What else?” “A Super Mega Juicer,” he said quickly. “But, Sabina, seriously that juicer is a miracle machine.” “I’m a vampire, Giguhl. The only liquids I drink are blood and alcohol. I don’t do juice.”

“I just thought vampires would look, you know, vicious while drinking blood," I said. "You look like you're in kindergarten with your juice pack.”

“Don’t you remember how hot we were together, Lane? God.” He takes a quick breath through clenched teeth and runs his hand down my side, “The things I can do to your body if you’d let me.”

“There was no reason not to be blunt. “Are you dating Maddison Lockehart?” “Are you?” “What?” He said it so quickly I didn’t catch it. I had said “no” without thinking, but hadn’t really heard what he had said. He had asked me if I was dating Maddison. That was ridiculous. “I’m serious, Victor.” “So am I. And I see you are talking to me again.” I sensed amusement in his voice but saw no sign. “Victor-” “Are you dating Maddison, Piper?” “No, I’m not.” I replied gritting my teeth. “Neither am I,” he replied.”

“I recommend Avon Skin-So-Soft. It’s a bath product. It smells like someone fed a Disney Princess through a juicer, but it works better than anything else on the market.”

“I’m telling you, the ingenuity of alcoholics is something else. If only it could be put to some kind of good use. I mean, if you said to an alcoholic, ‘Look, the only way for you to get another drink is to cure cancer,’ the disease would be history in five seconds.”