“I am one man with a laptop. When I give the world my characters, it's because I don't want to keep them for myself. You don't like what I made them do? Fucking tell me I'm wrong! Rewrite the story. Throw in a new plot twist. Make up your own ending.”

“I can tell I'm being annoying, the kind of annoying where it feels like I haven't showered for days and everyone should just stay away.”

“Well, who doesn't love a good mpreg?""A what?""Sim gets man-pregnant? Gives birth to twins during a tornado?""I'll pretend I never heard that.""Here, I'll read you the wedding one -""NO.”

“Pretentious.""So? I love pretentious people!""Why?""They try so hard to be interesting, you don't have to do any work.”

“My secret is cool and mysterious like a jagged scar across my chest, and not dull and heavy like I gave up church buy not the angst.”

“I've never seen a naked torso that wasn't on a cross, at least not so close up. I don't know where to look. His belly button. Belly button. Look at the belly button. ”

“... Brandon's going to talk to a B-O-Y, and -""What?""That's your assignment tonight. You converse in public with a boy. You've heard of them, right? They're like girls, but with penises?”