“Do you think the penis ever gets tired?"Whose?Anybody's. I mean anybody with one. Does the penis ever just think: for God's sake pal, give it a rest? Or is it all: Woo-who!! Here we go again!”

“This song goes out to anyone whose ever been told that how you think or feel is wrong. It goes out to everyone who’s ever felt alone. It goes out to anybody who’s fucking sick and tired of being told what to do. You are, the most important person in the world. Every single one of you. Don’t let anybody tell you differently, okay?”

“All he had ever prayed for was the ability to catch outfield flies, in answer to which God had bestowed upon him a penis that was bigger than anybody else's. What kind of world came up with such idiotic bargains?”

“I can handle it. But it stinks, if you ask me, really stinks, that you get to go out somewhere drinking beer while I'm stuck at Baby Central. Just because you have a penis.""We'll think fondly of you over beer, me and my penis."She ate a little more, then smiled slowly. "You've still got to be in the birthing room when she pushes it out.""Shut up, Eve.""Your penis won't save you then, Pal.”

“who is GOD and what is it? The existence of GOD is just a feeling. No one has ever seen the GOD we all think that the god does exist and pray Him.”

“Of his new book, Don says: “It might be the greatest book ever written. I don’t think anybody is going to read a book again after they read my new one. I think God is proud of me. I am going to make a killing off this thing and I’m going to use the money to go to space.”