“Have I missed a national holiday? There must be celebrations in the streets for you to be home at this hour of the day.""I'm calling it Summerset Goes Mute Day. The city's gone mad with joy.”

“Jarod Kintz Day—it’s not just my birthday, but it should be a holiday that’s mandatory to celebrate, punishable by death if you don’t. It’ll be a holiday that honors freedom.
”

“If you had a good day DAMN I must have missed it”

“The word “holiday” comes from “holy day” and holy means “exalted and worthy of complete devotion.” By that definition, all days are holy. Life is holy. Atheists have joy every day of the year, every holy day. We have the wonder and glory of life. We have joy in the world before the lord is come. We’re not going for the promise of life after death; we’re celebrating life before death. The smiles of children. The screaming, the bitching, the horrific whining of one’s own children. The glory of giving or receiving a blow job. Sunsets, rock and roll, bebop, Jell-O, stinky cheese, and offensive jokes. For atheists, everything in the world is enough and every day is holy. Every day is an atheist holiday. It’s a day that we’re alive.”

“Why aren't you at school?" I ask suddenly. "It's a holiday," he says, a little too quickly."Right. What holiday would that be? National Talk Out of Your Ass Day?”

“This is how we celebrate the Day of the Dead in America: by turning up our collars against the scent of earthworms calling us home.”