“I didn't want to tell you I'd been scared, much less why. I guess that was stupid.""It was.""Aren't you supposed to say something like 'no, it wasn't. Blah, blah, support, stroke, let me get you some chocolate'?""You haven't red the marriage handbook's footnotes. It's another woman who does that sort of thing. I believe I'm allowed to be more blunt, then ask if you'd like a quick shag.""Shag yourself”

“Sex," I ask her. "What does it mean?""Poor you," She say's. "You really did get a crap shag, didn't you?”

“Blah, blah, blah. Demon boy, I can't speak that language. Furthermore, I don't want to pollute my brain by learning it. So it's time for you to learn mine. First lesson-I'm Say-been. I'm oft described as byoo-tee-full and mah-jest'ick.”

“Teachers, parents, guidance counselors... all of them are always pushing this crap about how it's okay to be different, just be yourself. Don't give in to peer pressure, blah, blah, blah. The truth is, it's really only okay to be yourself if that self is within an accepted range of "normal." You like soccer instead of basketball, Johnny? Well, okay, I guess, so long as you still like sports. What's that, Susie, you want to wear the blue sweater instead of the red? You know we're all about expressing individuality here... so long as it's still a sweater.”

“Soph, I really don't think this is a good idea. I'm at a point in my life where dating is more hazardous than helpful."She held her hand up and made it move like a chattering puppet. "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Say what you want. We had a deal. I picked a guy for you to talk to. Now you're gonna sashay your fanny over there and be the very definition of charming and beguiling.""Shows what you know," I grumbled under my breath. "I don't even know what beguiling means.”

“P.S. Nothing personal, but I think this journal assignment is a waste of time. I know I have to do something to make up for all the work I'm missing at school, but I HATE busywork. And that's what this journal thing is. Half the teachers at school assign work they never read. When we get stupid assignments like that, I always write somewhere on my paper "blah blah blah" or "I bet you're not even reading this," are you? or "Give me a sign if you're reading this." They never are.”