“I know more damn perverts, at schools and all, than anybody you ever met, and they’re always being perverty when I’m around.”

“A pervert is anybody kinkier than you are”

“ever since I met you I have admired you more than any girl...I have ever met since...I met you.”

“I want to assure you, I’m not that kind of pervert. But don’t worry, goat lady, there’s somebody for everybody. Or anybody for nobody. Maybe I have that backwards, and upside down.”

“God crafted men’s eyes and women’s breast from the same material, I’m convinced. Whenever eyes wander toward cleavage, they’re just trying to feel like they’re home. It’s also why breasts always know when they’re being watched.”

“If you keep acting like a big baby, I will shoot you. I’ve never known a man so in love with his hair before. “ “I’m in love with all of me. I’m a very lovable pervert.” “Well, you’re going to be a very sexy pervert when I’m done with you. Now hold still.”