“They're quite touchy about anything like that, especially my father. They're nice and all-I'm not saying that-but they're also touchy as hell.”

“Amateur grammar snobs are a lot like amateur gynecologists--they're everywhere, they're all to eager to offer their services, and they're anything but gentle.”

“Women? Women are like...thunderstorms. They're beautiful to look at, and sometimes they're nice to listen to-but most of the time they're just plain inconvenient.”

“Hello toes," I say. They're good toes. I like that they're long and slender and not the slightest bit stubby. I wiggle them, ten unstubby waves that say, "And hello to you, Human Host!"Except they're toes. I'm talking to my toes. Maybe I'm not bored... maybe I'm lonely?”

“Whatever, crazy chick who maybe lives here and maybe also breaks into Michael's house when they're all gone. I'm out. Have a nice delusion. -Shayne”

“Do you like Mother and Father?" "they're both all right""they're not Jimmy, and you shouldn't say so. I hate them, and you should hate them.""all right" I said, "I hate them.”