“Any situation was better faced with an empty bladder, a clean body, and a lack of morning breath.”

“That face. That body. And you know he’s packing. Look at the angle on that dangle.”

“Isn’t he gorgeous?” With those rolls, the wet-sounding grunts, bulbous wiggly tail, and smashed face—not to mention the fart the dog let out once he situated himself—he was gorgeous in a way that only a parent could appreciate.”

“Do it your way, but I suggest another one. You could go ahead and beat her bloody, or…you could give me such loud, screaming orgasms that the sound of them blisters her ears. If you have any former-whore-turned-promiscuous-vampire tricks you’ve been holding back, well, bring them on. I only have one stipulation: You’d better outperform any service you gave to her or anyone else, because if I don’t wake up tomorrow red in the face from embarrassment at what you did to me, I’ll be disappointed.”

“Don’t you want to go outside and… shag?” It was a strange word, but much better than fuck. A quick grin lit his face before he responded. “Oh no. Right here. Love to do it in a truck.”

“He gave the body a final kick and then turned to face me.“You and I need to talk, Kitten.”“Now?” I asked in disbelief, gesturing to the dead vampire near his feet.“It’s not like he’s going anywhere, so yeah. Now.”

“He f**ks even better than he looks”, I settled on saying. Several heads turned. I didn’t care; I was pissed. “And that beautiful face is going to be clamped between my legs as soon as we get home, don’t you worry.”