“I don't care what you think, your junk does not have special abilities.”

“Come hell or high water, I will separate you from your man-business. I don't care how, or if you kill me. If it means me, dead, holding your junk, I'll take your junk. Got that?”

“I grew up hearing everyone tell me 'God loves you'. I would say big deal, God loves everybody. That don't make me special! That just proves that God ain't got no taste. And, I don't think He does. Thank God! Because He takes the junk of our lives and makes the most beautiful art.”

“First, you don't have to be smart to read books. Lots of idiots read books. Trust me, the ability to read does not necessarily mean the ability to think.”

“Don't measure yourself by what you have accomplished, but by what you should have accomplished with your ability. ”

“Jaime, dear, forgive me, but I don't think you are man enough to take care of my Cass. She's a special kind of difficult.”