“I heard the car door shut and then Fabian's voice. "You won't believe what I found around the edge of your property," the ghost announced. "A cave with prehistoric painting inside it!" I rolled my eyes. That was the best tactic Fabian could come up with? This was a vampire he was trying to stall, not a paleontologist.”

“Sweet bleedin’ Christ,” Bones interrupted. “Try not to let this turn you into a Ghost Whisperer, hmm? Adopting Fabian is one thing, but we’realready turning away spooks by the dozen. If you want another pet, we’ll get you more cats.”

“He muttered something foul and then climbed the stairs, rapping twice on Timmie’s door.“Right, then, mate, terribly sorry for my unspeakable rudeness, and I do beg your pardon,”he said with admirable humbleness when Timmie cracked it open. Only I could pick up theslight edge to his voice as he went on. “I can only say that it was caused by my naturalaffront to the notion of her as my sister. Since I’ll be shagging her tonight, you canimagine how I’d be distressed at the thought of rogering my sibling.”“You schmuck!” I burst as Timmie’s jaw dropped. “The only thing you’ll be shaggingtonight is yourself!”“You wanted sincerity,” he countered. “Well, luv, I was sincere.”

“What's in the cave, Russell?' Madigan asked with heavy sarcasm.I shrugged. 'Rocks. Lots of 'em.''Don't patronize me.' His voice lowered to a hiss. 'What else is in the cave?'I looked him straight in the eye and spoke one word.'Mud.”

“Catherine" she paused. I waited, tapping my finger on my desk. Then she spoke words that had me almost falling out of my chair. "I've decided to come to your wedding." I actually glanced at my phone again to see if I'd been mistaken and it was someone else who'd called me. "Are you drunk?" I got out when I could speak. She signed. "I wish you wouldn't marry that vampire, but I'm tired of him coming between us." Aliens replaced her with a pod person, I found myself thinking. That's the only explanation”

“Deep, bone-melting pleasure surged through Kira’s subconscious as he thrust forward again, almost causing her to shout at the crash of rapture filling her.“That is what I feel when I’m inside you.” His voice was low, eyes lit up with blinding green. “And you will feel every measure of the same, I promise.”

“Ah, mistress, you’re an angel. Sure there’s not a drop left? I might have remembered one more person….”“Up yours,” I said rudely with another belch. “It’s empty. You should tell me the name anyway, after making me drink all that sewage.”Winston gave me a devious smile. “Come back with a full bottle and I will.”“Selfish spook,” I mumbled, and staggered away.I’d made it a few feet when I felt that distinct pins-and-needles sensation again, only this time it wasn’t in my throat.“Hey!”I looked down in time to see Winston’s grinning, transparent form fly out of my pants. He was chuckling even as I smacked at myself and hopped up and down furiously.“Drunken filthy pig!” I spat. “Bastard!”“And a good eve’in’ to you, too, mistress!” he called out, his edges starting to blur and fade. “Come back soon!”“I hope worms shit on your corpse!” was my reply. A ghost had just gotten to third base with me. Could I sink any lower?”