“That face. That body. And you know he’s packing. Look at the angle on that dangle.”

“He gave the body a final kick and then turned to face me.“You and I need to talk, Kitten.”“Now?” I asked in disbelief, gesturing to the dead vampire near his feet.“It’s not like he’s going anywhere, so yeah. Now.”

“Any situation was better faced with an empty bladder, a clean body, and a lack of morning breath.”

“You don't have body parts there do you?" my mother interrupted. "I don't want to open the fridge and find a head on the shelf" Rodney laughed. "No Justina, it doesn't look like Jeffrey Dahmer's hideaway.”

“But-but…” Timmie’s eyes couldn’t get any wider. “Why did you tell her I’m your boyfriend? Why doesn’t she know about your real one?” That was a good question. I cast around for an answer. Any answer. “He’s English!” I settled on desperately. “And Mom…Mom hates foreigners!”

“Are you having performance issues?” I asked in surprise. “Bite your tongue,” Vlad said, with a snort. “I was seeing if Dermot understood sign language, but from the look on his face, it seems not.”

“He f**ks even better than he looks”, I settled on saying. Several heads turned. I didn’t care; I was pissed. “And that beautiful face is going to be clamped between my legs as soon as we get home, don’t you worry.”