“Silence! I kill you!”

“Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Knock, knock.Jeff Dunham: Who's there?Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Me, I kill you!”

“Shut up or i'll kill you by Achmed the dead tarries.”

“PENUT:and when you really think about its jef-f-f Dunham JEFF: F-FPENUT:your using an unneeded FJef-f-f Dun- Ham. com!!!!!Am i pissing you of-f-f????? Jef-f-f Dun Ham.com PENUT: you know the wierd thing is i am actually pissing him off!!!and he would like to kill meJEFF:no i wouldn'tPENUT:yesJEFF:noPENUT:assert you fellings Jef-f-f”

“WHAT! WE CANT TALK AT THE SAME TIME! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk, WE CAN'T DO IT! Peanut. WHAT! You said my name wrong. No it's Jeff Dun-ham. No it's dunham, No dun-ham. No dunha. No you see it says dunham jeff dun-HAM. Actually if you look at it, it say jef f dunham .com ”

“Peanut: Too much starbucks coffee, coffee, coffee!Jeff: You didn't have coffee before the show!Peanut: I admit it was crack.Jeff: You didn't do crackPeanut: Then you did! It feels like one of us did!Peanut: Don't you do crack?Jeff: No! I'VE NEVER DONE CRACK!Peanut: Alright. I admit Jeff does not abuse drugs. He's an alcoholic.”

“Jeff: You know most people who've had near death experiances say they say a white light. What did you see?Akmed: I saw flying car parts!Jeff: What was the last thing that went through your mind?Akmed: My ass. But I saw a blue Prius! Is it true you have one of those? Did you know that if your driving down the highway in a Prius and you stick your hand out the window the car will turn?!”