“So Achmed if you've been in my suitcase this entire time how have you been getting through security? Oh thats easy they open the suitcase and i say 'ello my name is lindey lohan!”

“Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Knock, knock.Jeff Dunham: Who's there?Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Me, I kill you!”

“Achmed 'Two Jews walk into a bar'No no no no no' JeffYou don't let Jews in your bar? You racist bastard' Achmed"-Achmed the dead terrorist and Jeff”

“Achmed: Two Jews walk into a bar... Jeff: No no no no no Achmed: You don't let Jews in your bar? You racist bastard.”

“Shut up or i'll kill you by Achmed the dead tarries.”

“WHAT! WE CANT TALK AT THE SAME TIME! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk, WE CAN'T DO IT! Peanut. WHAT! You said my name wrong. No it's Jeff Dun-ham. No it's dunham, No dun-ham. No dunha. No you see it says dunham jeff dun-HAM. Actually if you look at it, it say jef f dunham .com ”

“Oh, so how did the marrige counsling go?Well let's just say after it was over there where two people who thought I was an ass. And i was paying both of 'um.”