“Back in those days it was just me swimming around in the dark, doing back flips and taking naps whenever I want.”

“I don't know what a guy needs to do to impress a girl these days.”

“There was this book Dad used to read to me every night called "The Giving Tree." It was a really good book, but the back of it had a picture of the author, this guy named Shel Silverstein.But Shel Silverstein looks more like a burglar or a pirate than a guy who should be writing books for kids.Dad must have known that picture kind of freaked me out, because one night after I got out of bed, Dad said: "IF YOU GET OUT OF BED AGAIN TONIGHT, YOU'LL PROBABLY RUN INTO SHEL SILVERSTEIN IN THE HALLWAY."That really did the trick, Ever since then, I STILL don't get out of bed at night, even if I really need to use the bathroom.”

“So if you want to find somebody to blame for the way i am, I guess you'd have to start with the public education system.”

“fish and visitors stink in 3 days.”

“Holly is the fourth-prettiest girl in the class, but the top 3 all have boyfriends. So a lot of guys like me are doing everything they can to get in good with her.”

“I don't know if this makes me a bad person or whatever, but it's hard for me to get interested in other people's vacations.”