“He got the crib, so for the first few months of my life I had to sleep in the top dresser drawer, which I'm pretty sure isn't even legal.”

“In fact," Slad was saying, "that was a night of firsts for me. I'm pretty sure I had sex with her too.""Pretty sure?""Like I said, it was a night of firsts. I'm not sure I actually made it to her vagina. It's quite possible I had sex with the air around her vagina." He gestured in wild circles. "But I still count it.”

“The Germans will be beaten in a few months. And Japan will be beaten a few months after that. If I were to give up my life now, it wouldn't be for my country. It would be for Cathcart and Korn. So I'm turning my bombsight in for the duration. From now on I'm thinking only of me.”

“The line isn't so black and white anymore. I'm pretty sure gray just became my new favorite color.”

“Terrific! Have you done Step Three?" He waggled his brows as he opened up the top left drawer of my dresser. "No. Hey! Do you mind, Nosy Newton?" "Are these panties?" he asked, holding up two of my thongs. "Because they look like dental floss to me." Oh my God. My almost father-in-law was digging around in my lingerie. Embarrassment bloomed in my face. "Ruadan, get out of my underwear!" "Fine," he said, closing the left drawer and opening the right one. "Oh! Lookie here!" "If you touch that box," I said menacingly, "I will cut off your head with your own swords. And I'm not talking about the one on your shoulders." He laughed, shutting the drawer. "You won't need a vibrator anymore. You've got Patrick." His gaze slid toward the dresser. "Unless you have different toys in there. Nipple clamps?" "I… what… oh God." I fell onto the bed, curled into the fetal position, and covered my face.”

“Whatever. I'm pretty sure Mercutio was a vampire. He had the attitude, you know? He just never got a chance to show his fangs.”