“hope your birthday is hot hot hot”

“hot pink looks cute on only janet which is MEEEEEEE!!!”

“See, when you're a little kid, nobody ever warns you that you've got an expiration date. One day you're hot stuff and the next day you're a dirt sandwich.”

“Youre gonna grow up and marry some ice cream! Haha!”

“You and your group of nerds fall into a pit and it's full of dynamite and you blow up. The End.”

“Then one day, this kid named Darren Walsh touched the Cheese with his finger, and that's what started this thing called the Cheese Touch. It's basically like the Cooties. If you get the Cheese Touch, you're stuck with it until you pass it on to someone else. The only way to protect yourself from the Cheese Touch is to cross your fingers.”

“I've seen a lot of movies where a kid my age finds out he's got magical powers and then gets invited to go away to some special school. Well, if I've got an invitation coming, now would be the perfect time to get it”