“It's not easy to writing thank-you notes for the stuff you didn't want in the first place.”

“Dear Aunt Loretta,Thank you so much for the awesome pants! How did you know I wanted that for Christmas?I love the way the pants look on my legs!All my friends will be so jealous that I have my very own pants. Thank you for making this the best Christmas ever!Sincerely, Greg”

“See, when you're a little kid, nobody ever warns you that you've got an expiration date. One day you're hot stuff and the next day you're a dirt sandwich.”

“Well, the problem is, it's not easy for me to think of ways to improve myself, because I'm pretty much one of the best people I know.”

“I didn't really know what to expect from detention but when I waked into the room, the first thought I had was, I don't belong in here with these future criminals.”

“First of all, let me get this straight: This is a JOURNAL, not a diary. I know what it says on the cover, but when Mom went out to buy this thing I SPECIFICALLY told her to get one that didn't say 'diary' on it.”

“You and your group of nerds fall into a pit and it's full of dynamite and you blow up. The End.”