“The best person I know is Myself.”

“Well, the problem is, it's not easy for me to think of ways to improve myself, because I'm pretty much one of the best people I know.”

“I'm basically one of the best people I know.”

“I don't know if this makes me a bad person or whatever, but it's hard for me to get interested in other people's vacations.”

“Dear Aunt Loretta,Thank you so much for the awesome pants! How did you know I wanted that for Christmas?I love the way the pants look on my legs!All my friends will be so jealous that I have my very own pants. Thank you for making this the best Christmas ever!Sincerely, Greg”

“I'm not really sure what makes a book a 'classic' to begin with, but I think it has to be at least fifty years old and some person or animal has to die at the end.”

“I don't know what a guy needs to do to impress a girl these days.”