“Youre gonna grow up and marry some ice cream! Haha!”

“You and your group of nerds fall into a pit and it's full of dynamite and you blow up. The End.”

“But the thing I’m finding out is some people don’t really appreciate it when you’r trying to be helpful.”

“I'm not really sure what makes a book a 'classic' to begin with, but I think it has to be at least fifty years old and some person or animal has to die at the end.”

“hope your birthday is hot hot hot”

“I've seen a lot of movies where a kid my age finds out he's got magical powers and then gets invited to go away to some special school. Well, if I've got an invitation coming, now would be the perfect time to get it”

“If there's one thing I learned from Rodrick, it's to set people's expectations real low so you end up surprising them by practically doing nothing at all.”