“Could this be the Apocalypse?”

“How bad could things be if my hair was neat?”

“I mean, really: what kind of person could possibly dislike me?”

“...being torn apart by far too many loyalties that could not possibly live together in the same brain.”

“I think that's nice, and if I could have feelings at all I would have them for Deb.”

“Of course it was a terrible thing, and the world would be a much better place without someone in it who could do that, but did that mean we had to miss lunch?”

“But what could I do? Be stupid for a while? I wasn't sure I knew how, even after so many years of careful observation.”