“Being in a band is just like being married. The children are the songs and the sex is playing live onstage.”

“They [the Hardscrabbles]never enjoyed it when adults playfully lied to them. The adults always think they're being amusing and imaginative, just like children. But kids never lie playfully. They lie as if their lives depended on it.”

“It was like being at an Arabian hoedown with a band of psychedelic hillbillies (p. 171).”

“I haven't heard anything new that I've liked on the show. A lot of the bands we play with are just bad, especially those alternative rock bands. They can do it in the studio but they can't play live... I see the audience applauding while they're playing, and I wonder if it's just because they're fans of the band and don't care, or out of spite. Because it certainly isn't because they sound good.Branford Marsalis on the musical acts booked on The Tonight Show.”

“Living all alone! The freedom! Rather than being known as the Human Calculator, I’d be That Really Cool Chick Who Lives by Herself and Plays the Guitar Just Like Jewel!Or I’m sure they’d say that if I actually played the guitar”

“It's like a gay man being married to a straight woman. No matter how much he loves her, it's a sacrifice every moment they're together. The sex is secondary to the sacrifice.”