“To some Softball is a game; to others it's Life.”

“Life is a game, boy. Life is a game that one plays according to the rule."Yes, sir. I know it is. I know it."Game, my ass. Some game. If you get on the side where all the hot-shots are, then it's a game, all right-I'll admit that. But if you get on the other side, where there aren't any hot-shots, then what's a game about it? Nothing. No game.”

“To live up to its name, softball should be played with a human testicle.”

“I was the captain of the latent paranoid softball team. We used to play all the neurotics on sunday morning. Nailbiters against the bedwetters, and if you've never seen neurotics play softball, it's really funny. I used to steal second base, and feel guilty and go back.”

“This is not some silly game...This is life and death Angels and demons.”

“If you have the character to hang in there when its tough, you will develop or acquire every other characteristic necessary to WIN in the game of life.”