“It was easier to be the victim, but it didn’t feel so great.”

“But even if that were true, I was working hard. I didn’t know how not to.”

“I quickly imagined that I could reach my hand into my chest, yank out that awful feeling, place it on an invisibl ecloud of air right in front of me, then push it away. Push it away”

“I'm a little mad. He shouldn't have said whatever he said to make you so upset. But we should try not to judge people based on one instance.”

“I sat parked for a while in the parent pickup lot, watching a bunch of little kids run relays up and down the field. To be nine years old. To have life simply about family and friends and who was mad at who and which games you wanted to play at recess, and getting gold stars on spelling tests, an feeling that first crush.Laurel, you had everything back then, and you didn't even know it.”

“Holding the knife with the blade against my palm, it became so clear how my life would only contain shadows now. Shadows of things gone; not just the people themselves but everything connected to them. Was this my future? Every moment, every tiny thing I saw and did and touched, weighted by loss. Every space in this house andmy town and the world in general, empty in a way that could never be filled.”

“Sometimes my life here felt like a cage where I could never escape the pain. At other times it felt like the only firm ground on earth”