“Sometimes my life here felt like a cage where I could never escape the pain. At other times it felt like the only firm ground on earth”

“It seemed like the only way to keep breathing was to focus on the here and now, moment by moment, keeping my mind frozen cold to anything else.”

“Holding the knife with the blade against my palm, it became so clear how my life would only contain shadows now. Shadows of things gone; not just the people themselves but everything connected to them. Was this my future? Every moment, every tiny thing I saw and did and touched, weighted by loss. Every space in this house andmy town and the world in general, empty in a way that could never be filled.”

“I don’t know, Laurel,” said David, and I loved how he said my name, like he enjoyed it.”

“It was true. I wasn't good with liking someone. my instinct was total self-preservation: show no sign of weakness. This was my pathetic way of being shy.”

“Then I closed my eyes.That was it. That was Before. Now here we go into After.”

“It was like how people find other people to be in love with, all random and accidental and lucky.”