“Comedy is hard. In many ways, it's like singing: If you have perfect pitch, it's much easier. But you can still go a long way toward mastering the rudiments if you must trust your voice. Most of the mistakes I've seen people make in trying to write funny is that they don't trust their own senses of humor. They don't think they're funny, and they set out to write funny the way they've read other people being funny with a grim determination that pretty much precludes any chance that anybody is going to have fun. Relax, listen to your characters, exploit their fears and flaws, and mine their situations for places in which they can use their own brands of humor.”

“Any instructions?” Carpenter said. “Yeah,” Shane said. “Shoot anybody who looks at Agnes funny. And anybody else you don’t like. I’m getting tired of this shi*.” “Somebody needs a hug,” Carpenter said. “Humor,” Shane said. “Har.”

“It's not a problem. There are people out there with much worse problems than mine."-Cynthia"Doesn't make yours any more fun to bear."-Liza"No. But it does help with the self-pity."- Cynthia”

“Keep your sense of humor, my friend; if you don't have a sense of humor it just isn't funny anymore. ”

“Feel no guilt. Getting married and giving birth does not mean that you have sold your life away to perfectly healthy people who can get their own damn socks.”

“After you die, you're going to hell for being a dishonest bastard, and you'll burn for eternity."The guy snatched his hand back. "I don't believe in Hell.""Most people don't until they get there." Mab smiled at him. "Of course, if you stop lying and cheating, you can probably redeem yourself. If not, have them put marshmallows in your coffin. There's a bight side to everything, I always say.”

“Don't even think about it.""Well, when can I walk by myself?""When you get your driver's license.""You always, always say that." Dillie scowled at him. "That's when everything happens.""It's going to be a busy day," Phin agreed.”