“And then my mom called, "Have fun on your date, Hayden!"Another step down and I thought, Good.Mom is mistaken and has led Nick to believe I'm going on a date.One more step down and I thought,Oh no,Mom has led Nick believe I'm going on a date!"”

“Nick ran smack into me."Ooof!" he hollered, grabbing me around the waist to keep me from falling down the rest of the staircase.That's when I realized Mom thought Nick and I were going on a date together.Quickly Nick let me go.He looked huge, frowning down at me from the step above. "Why are you stopping in the middle of the stairs?""Why are you tailgating me?"He put his hand behind me, at butt level, without touching me. "What is that?" he demanded.I bent a little and slapped my butt, "Something the heir to a meat fortune should know all about. USDA grade-A prime,baby." I straightened. "Just kidding. Really, it's my butt."He put his hands on his hips, and from below I noticed his strong superhero chin again.He grumbled, "Why do you have 'boy toy' written across your butt?""Oh!" I put my hand over the words, realizing that I probably should have been embarrassed about this sooner. "These are my brother's jeans. He wrote it to annoy me. Or to get me a date.”

“Mom!" Becca stared at her. "You think—you think I'm dating Michael?"Her mom stared back at her, obviously thrown. "You're not?"This would be hilarious if her mom didn't look so serious."Oh my god," cried Becca. "Are you kidding? Michael is the last person I would ever—oh my god. I wouldn't go out with him if someone paid me. Ugh, that's just—""You know I can hear you, right?" called Michael.”

“I'm so cool that the kids come to my bedroom and go, 'Mom! Turn the music down!”

“I’d like to know more about this undercover agent who posed as my daughter’s date. The ubiquitous Tall, Dark, and Smoldering.'Nick put on his best meet-the-parent smile. 'I generally prefer to go by Nick.”

“Julius told me how much you’d grown, but I couldn’t believe it. Carter, I bet you’re shaving—”“Mom.”“—and dating girls—”“Mom!” Have you ever noticed how parents can go from the most wonderful people in the world to totally embarrassing in three seconds?”