“I swear, Tiff, if my ass made good grades, you'd want to date my ass.”

“I like nothing more in the world than sitting on my ass doing nothing. And it's not my fault I have this attitude, because I happen to have an amazingly comfortable ass. It may not look like much, but if you could sit on this baby for two minutes, you'd realize that getting off this ass would be a crime against nature.”

“When I die, I want them to bury me facedown and ass up so that the whole world can kiss my ass!”

“I fainted....and you ate my ass?You fed me my own ass?”

“I hoisted myself onto my elbows. "Yeah, well, if I ever come back as a Grigori, then I'll kick your ass.""You'll come back, and you'll be a Grigori." He spoke with such certainty it made me smile. "I doubt very greatly, however, that you'll kick my ass. But me and my ass will enjoy your efforts.”

“[A]ll I want to do is sit on my ass and fart and think of Dante.”