“Let me get this straight.Your lunchroom speech went a little something like this." I put my hands out on front of me like I was a Roman Orator enunciating for the crowd. "I, Nick Krieger,defender of women, would never denounce the crotch. I am above the crotch.”

“Can you put your hands on my crotch?”“Why, hell no, I cannot.” I didn’t remember anything like this happening in Pride and Prejudice.”

“Nick ran smack into me."Ooof!" he hollered, grabbing me around the waist to keep me from falling down the rest of the staircase.That's when I realized Mom thought Nick and I were going on a date together.Quickly Nick let me go.He looked huge, frowning down at me from the step above. "Why are you stopping in the middle of the stairs?""Why are you tailgating me?"He put his hand behind me, at butt level, without touching me. "What is that?" he demanded.I bent a little and slapped my butt, "Something the heir to a meat fortune should know all about. USDA grade-A prime,baby." I straightened. "Just kidding. Really, it's my butt."He put his hands on his hips, and from below I noticed his strong superhero chin again.He grumbled, "Why do you have 'boy toy' written across your butt?""Oh!" I put my hand over the words, realizing that I probably should have been embarrassed about this sooner. "These are my brother's jeans. He wrote it to annoy me. Or to get me a date.”

“He grabbed the back of my parka,but I got the distinct impression he was not trying to be a gentleman by helping me out of it.He just wanted his parka back."When you feel cornered,you'll just fling whatever you've got at people, and you don't care who gets hurt with what.""I am not scared." I slid down from the truck seat into Liz's stepdad's galoshes, then turned to face Nick one last time. "I am not scared of boarding or you,and I will prove it to you tomorrow.If you think I'm going easy on you in the comp just because you have a debilitating injury from yesterday-""That's what you think," he snarked. "I've been going yoga.""-you have another think coming.You will buy me those Poser tickets. And I'm not even taking you.You will hand the tickets over to me,and I'll take someone else.""Who? Your little brother's friends?""No,Everett Walsh." I closed the door softly behind me so as not to alarm sleeping adults,because I was that mature.Even through the door and the rolled up window,I could clearly hear every filthy work Nick uttered, ending with, "Everett [cuss word] Walsh."I opened the passenger door. "Ask not for whom the fire-crotch burns;it burns for thee!" I'd meant this to be an insult.Then I realized it sounded like I wanted Nick.Or like I had a feminine problem.”

“Did you tell my mother that you called me a bitch last night,too?" I asked him. "Because that's the best way I know to win parents over."For a split second,he looked uncomfortable. Almost immediately, he recovered and went back on the offensive. "You shouldn't wear those jeans.People might think something."I stomped my foot on the stair. "Like what? I want to show off my fire-crotch? What do you care? God! Stop following me." My hair was down now, and I felt it smack into his chest as I whirled around and flounced down the rest of the stairs, across the lobby, and into the cold night.”

“Do you want me to call the boys?" Liz suggested from way above me."Do not not call Nick Krieger!" I shouted. "God, would he love this.""I've got Davis in my cell phone," Liz called. "Gavin,too.""Absolutely not.If you call Davis or Gavin,Nick will be attached." Chloe squealed,"Yes,please,liz. Gavin would be excellent right now! No offense,Hayden,but don't join the ski patrol anytime soon.""Ingrate!" I yelled. "I'll show you.I'm about to save the day, in just a minute here.”

“Here was Nick Krieger tenderly touching my face with the sun setting behind him and snowflakes sliding off his bare shoulders."Hayden,"he said again,gently. "Are you sure you didn't hit your head?""I don't think so."He moved the t-shirt aside and leaned closer,examining my ear. Oooh,it would be so much more romantic if he looked into my eyes rather than fixating on my ear.Shouldn't I be able to make this happen? What was the world comng to,that I couldn't even control what Nick did in my own wet dream?He poked my ear."Ow,ow,ow!" I squealed, and then felt faint again,out of breath.This was no wet dream.It was reality after all.He let out a disgusted sigh. "Hayden, Josh is right.The doctor might not even put a stitch in that.What's the matter with you? Do you faint at the sight of blood?"Oh,no.There was no way I would let him get the upper hand,even if I was lying on my back in the snow and he was kneeling over me. I laughed. "Of course I don't faint at the sight of blood.I jump onto the dance floor and do the Soulja Boy.Get the hell off me,Dr. McDreamy.”