“My brother is a very bad policeman. So . . . you’re coming to school, right?” Doug“Nnnnnnno.” Zoey“Come so you can be around people,” Doug coaxed. “I don’t think you should be alone today.”“I think I definitely should.” Zoey “Come so I won’t worry about you.” Doug ;]”

“Fred: "Is that brick wall your boyfriend?"Doug: "Only in my dreams."Fred: "Oh, you too? I'm Fred."Doug: "Doug. I should mention, in all fairness though that Christy's boyfriend is my best friend. He's the brick wall you should be worried about.”

“Kill me, Doug. Just kill me now. Put me out of my misery.”“Christ, Kincaid, what did you say to him?” murmured Doug.“Well,” I told Doug, “I ripped on his fans and on how long it takes for his books to come out.”Doug stared at me, his expectations exceeded.“Then I said—not knowing who he was—that I’d be Seth Mortensen’s love slave in exchange for advanced copies of his books.”

“It means, Doug Swieteck, that in this class, you are not your brother.”

“Doug that is so sweet, but your doing the controlling thing again" "How is that controlling?""For starters, you made your brother pull me over”

“I got a statistic for you right now. Grab your pencil, Doug. There are five billion trees in the world. I looked it up. Under every tree is a shadow, right? So, then, what makes night? I'll tell you: shadows crawling out from under five billion trees! Think of it! Shadows running around in the air, muddying the waters you might say. If only we could figure a way to keep those darn five billion shadows under those trees, we could stay up half the night, Doug, because there'd be no night!”