“The latter is very prepubescent.""Prepubescent!" Josh gasped. "Prepubescent!""I am totally pubescent," one of his friends said.Another said haughtily, "I will have you know that my mom and I are going to Aspen to shop for training bras this weekend."I rolled my eyes. "Later." I slid off the bench and stood."Hey,we're helping you go off the jump again tomorrow,right?" Josh asked, using the word helping very loosely."Yeah," another boy said, "eleventh time's the charm."I looked toward the Galaga machine. Fiona was still there, yet Nick was gone. Probably just to order her a drink.Ordinarily, I would have bounced all over the restaurant searching for him so I could flirt him out of Fiona's pink-nailed grasp. But the whoopee cushion had taken the wind out of my sails.”

“And ever so faintly,I could hear Josh rapping to his posse's beat.I couldn't make out most of what he was saying, but I thought I caught the word prepubescent.”

“But you know what? They all grinned at me in welcome,and Josh even scooted over to make room for me on the bench. At least I knew who my true friends were. Feeling grateful and loved,I sat downTHPPPPTHPPPPTHPPPPT! I farted. Or so it seemed. The boys died laughing.I pulled the whoopee cushion out from under me and flung it on the table,which only sent them into another paroxysm."Nick-Kriger-is-behind-you," Josh gasped between giggles. "He totally heard it over Galaga.Do you still want us to look without looking like we're looking?" This sent them into yet another laughing fit."But don't worry," one of his friends said. "We'll act like we think you're hot."They all snorted and dabbed at their eyes faux-girlishly with paper napkins from the holder. Then,as if on cue, they started their rythmic heavy breathing,and I knew one of Josh's raps was coming. The people in the booths around us turned to look, if they weren't already staring at us outright because of the whoopee cushion.”

“I dropped my voice and stared into her eyes. I could tell she was trying hard not to look away. I was so furious I could have cheerfully ripped her head off. "But you're going to find out, Mom,' I said very softly."And it's gonna give you nightmares for the rest of your wasted life."Oh, my God, I was so badass. It was all I could do to not give a MWA HA HA!”

“...I'll never forget going out to dinner with my parents to an elegant restaurant. My very proper Bostonian mother leaned over and said to me, 'Just what are you going to do if the baby gets hungry while we're here, dear?' The baby and I were already hooked up, very discreetly and my mother couldn't tell. I just chuckled and said, 'I don't know Mom.”

“After several visits where I refused to speak, this psychiatrist asked me if I would at least agree to stop doing whatever it was I was doing that was bothering my parents so much. I agreed, knowing fully that I could do no such thing, I was not in control, was powerless, but agreeing to behave myself was my ticket to freedom. I never saw him again. He told my parents I would be better now, but never admitted defeat. How would it look, after all, if he was bested by a prepubescent girl? Looking back, I really feel like I refused to speak to him because I was afraid of what I might say if I opened my mouth or answered his questions without weeks of forethought put into my answers. I was afraid what I said would go straight back to my parents, and I am certain that is what would have happened. There is no way I would have been strong enough for that. And there is no way they would have handled it well.”