“I didn’t want them to be gay anymore. I didn’t want people like Mrs. Perry to make a face and step away from them; I didn’t want Mike to shuffle his feet and clear frogs out of his throat whenever he talked to my dad; and I didn’t want Chad to go around making fun of himself so nobody else could. And most of all, I didn’t want them to have AIDS.”

“I don’t want to talk.” Dan’s neck muscles tensed resisting Vadim’s hand.He didn’t know the words and he didn’t want to search for them. “I just want to feel.” But no, that wasn’t it. “I want to feel human.”

“My brothers nodded their heads in unison. All of them but me. It wasn’t okay. I didn’t want her to leave. I didn’t care if Jesus wanted her or not. She was my mommy. He could take an old mommy. One that didn’t have little boys to take care of.”

“But if I didn’t want to be alone, then why didn’t I want to be with anyone else?”

“You drugged me,”“I didn’t want you to feel it, Merit.” His voice was soft. “You’d been attacked; you hadn’t consented. I didn’t want you to have to go through it. I didn’t want you to have to remember it.”

“I didn’t want to go, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t want to be invited.”