“Dogeared pages were Antichrist of book lovers everywhere.”

“Oh holy alien babies everywhere!”

“Oh, for the love of backwoods babies everywhere-Katy”

“I was always able to lose myself in reading. Books were a necessary escape I always gladly jumped into headfirst.”

“Oh, for the love of baby humans everywhere, you’re an idiot.”

“Once I got home, though, and saw several packages on my front porch, all the crap from the day disappeared. A few had smiley faces on them. Squealing, I grabbed the boxes. Books were inside-- new release books I'd preordered weeks ago.”

“The guy just stood there. Hello. There’re zombies everywhere. Try looking behind you, douche canoe.”