“No. I do believe in them. I just think they’re absentee landlords. Right now, they’re probably hanging out somewhere in Las Vegas, screwing showgirls and cheating at poker.”

“You want to go somewhere?' he asked.'Like now? its late.''isn't las vegas the city that never sleeps?''i think that's new york.''right. this is sin city.”

“Okay then, I suppose you get a pass on poker intimidation for the glasses, little brother. But everyone else is wearing them at the tables too, and they’re all just sitting there, looking all serious, like they’re birthing the Grand Theory of Everything.”

“Women are programmed to think they’re the only screw-up in the universe and men are programmed to think they’re the smartest creatures in the universe.”

“I’m standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff—I mean if they’re running and they don’t look where they’re going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That’s all I’d do all day. I’d just be the catcher in the rye and all.”

“Normally it makes me really happy to see, not just that they’re in love but that love like that is possible. Right now, though, I just kind of want to throw water on them.”