“The day my internet was hooked up was better than having a hot guy check out my butt and ask for my phone number.”

“Dear Miz Fitz,My boyfriend is superhot so a lot of girls think up reasons to talk to him. It drives me......Out of my MindMiz Fitz sez:Maybe he is too hot for you. Send me his photo, name, and phone number. I will check him out and get back to you.”

“Is your butt buzzing?"Cole, you have the worst timing! I jerked upright, tring to pull my phone out of my pocket and managing instead to bang my elbow against the wall.Ow! Oh, shit that hurts! You know, the guy who decided it should be a funny bone was just a freaking masochist. Or is it a sadist? I always get those mixed up.”

“I've never had any summer lovin'. And I've never had any school year lovin', either. I've never had a boyfriend. I've never hooked up with a guy. And this morning, on my Internet browser, an article popped up about women marrying themselves. Even my wireless connection knows I'm alone.”

“I hang up. Actually, I smash the phone down because I take my anger out on inanimate objects. Which is better than taking it out on people, right?”

“As soon as I wake up, I check my phone, hoping there's a message from you.”