“You look like you got more of a bath than the car. I neverthought washing a car would be so hard, but after watching you for the last fifteen minutes, I’m convinced it should be an Olympic sport.”

“It may not have occurred to you kids that sex is more than a fifteen-minute trip to the backseat of a car. It’s science. And what is science?”“Boring.”

“You like the car. I like the car. I've fucked you in it... Perhaps I should fuck you on it.”

“I think life should be more like TV. I think all of life's problems ought to be solved in 30 minutes with simple homilies, don't you? I think weight and oral hygiene ought to be our biggest concerns. I think we should all have powerful, high-paying jobs, and everyone should drive fancy sports cars. All our desires should be instantly gratified. Women should always wear tight clothing, and men should carry powerful handguns. Life overall should be more glamorous, thrill-packed, and filled with applause, don't you think?... Then again, if real life was like that, what would we watch on television?”

“If you act like you've only got fifteen minutes, it will take all day. Act like you've got all day, it will take fifteen minutes.”

“It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows”