“With backyard eggs, you can serve homemade eggnog at a holiday party with almost complete confidence that you won't make anyone sick--from Salmonella, anyway. Because drink enough homemade eggnog, and the race is on between heart failure and liver disease, unless a stroke fells you first. But life is short. Especially if you drink eggnog.”

“Big food companies make hot dogs with mechanically separated meat (msm) that, as described matter-of-factly by the [USDA], is "a paste-like and batter-like meat product produced by forcing bones with attached edible meat under high pressure through a sieve or similar device to separate the bone from the edible meat tissue.". I read that and wanted to unread it.”

“People will eat more salad if there's a chance the next bite will contain a toasted nut.”

“When you finally accept that you're a complete dork, your life gets easier. No sense in trying to be cool.”

“If you are not yelling at your kids,you are not spending enough time with them.”

“It starts now. Right here, right now. If you do not want to get bent over this table and fucked in this booth, I suggest you say spinach. I'll let you go with the warning to never come back here again unless you're ready for it.”

“India will reveal to you the places in your heart that must be purified.”