“Growing up, it seemed, was just a series of disenchantments. First you find out there's no Santa Claus; then you find out there's no such thing as happily-ever-after.”

“Real life, real love, isn't the way you see it in movies or read about in books.”

“To be unpopular, you must look the part. Remember four words: plastic flowered swim cap.”

“Tip: Unpopularity is a state of mind. Feel nerdy. Think uncool thoughts. It also helps to use the word “vaginal” a lot.”

“Revel in grossness. Leave food in your teeth. Proudly display feminine hygiene products.”

“I picture it like Judgement Day,' he says finally, his eyes on the water. 'We'll rise up out of our bodies and find each other again in spirit form. We'll meet in that new place, all of us together, and first it'll seem strange, and pretty soon it'll seem strange that you could ever lose someone, or get lost.”

“There are things you're just positive will happen to you. Then there's that second when you realize, Jesus Christ. Maybe they won't.”