“Real life, real love, isn't the way you see it in movies or read about in books.”

“Growing up, it seemed, was just a series of disenchantments. First you find out there's no Santa Claus; then you find out there's no such thing as happily-ever-after.”

“To be unpopular, you must look the part. Remember four words: plastic flowered swim cap.”

“Tip: Unpopularity is a state of mind. Feel nerdy. Think uncool thoughts. It also helps to use the word “vaginal” a lot.”

“Revel in grossness. Leave food in your teeth. Proudly display feminine hygiene products.”

“We need to crush the Invisible Hand. The economy isn't a natural phenomenon. It is just a tool or a mean, that should be dedicated to one only goal; the pursuit of global prosperity.”

“How can I be sure who's real and who isn't?”