“Statement: A girl and a boy jump into a river. The boy swims over to the girl and says, "God, it's cold."Question: What's the probability they will kiss?”

“Why do boys kiss girls? Because they like them. Do girls kiss boys because they like them too? …Usually…”

“Ponytail girl leaned over and she and the tall boy kissed and it was carcinogen gums and magical.”

“What's difficult to understand about German opera? It's always the same. Boy meets girl, boy falls in love, girl gets devoured by horrible winged creature with claws.”

“The reason boys desire so desperately to kiss girls is because, with each kiss, the activity makes the boy’s wanger grow larger. The more girls a boy can kiss, the larger a wanger he’ll eventually possess, and the boys boasting the largest are awarded the best-paying, highest-status jobs. Really, it’s all very simple.”

“Girls fall in love with what they see. Boys fall in love with what they see. That's why girls wear make-up and boys lie.”